Me Before You

Dear Diary,

I once knew a girl in me who was mischievous, funky, a little crazy and full of life. She was an adult who felt like a newborn but with a well-matured body already. Nurturing and feeding herself, with little ideas to romanticize life, and living with it, was the energy that fuel of romanticism gave her.

This girl feared not. She made sure the child she was when at 9 was still alive within her. She was giving her all those things she couldn't give herself at that age. Perhaps loving oneself is a continuous effort. I think loving others can be so easy but loving yourself means facing all the unsolved, uncared for, and deprived parts of you. What do you call it?

So this girl, she was making sure she saw it all and felt it all. Just as a mother would. I can confidently say that she was her own mother and her own child. You understand?

Now I have realized that I live by this concept or maybe a mindset, that we are our own child nurturing our childhood and giving it all that we couldn't when we could have.

Maybe i left that girl somewhere in Europe. And maybe I have to meet her there again so she can teach me how to mother myself once more.

Had i been born there, would I see this world the same way? Would i love living, Would i love life the same way? How would I know myself and could I see the child inside me? Because definitely the time and space has a big role to play while becoming the type of person we are.

We desire what we never had, as children and as adults. And maybe growing up is learning to give it to ourselves.

I feel like we are our first child ourselves. And maybe growing up is about learning how to parent that child better.